"Jeff, how is it you can take almost anything someone says and make it sound twisted?" I want to be a funny guy or a wise-ass. What's up with Gertrude?" She's got a fan on the fritz and wants to get it going before the weather gets too hot." Mom, why is it that Gert's not married?" I don't know, I never asked. Jeff, do you have the hots for Gerty?" Mom asks, smiling and seems very happy."You do don't you? You have the hots for my friend Gerty, that is so sweet." I love the way she looks and dresses, a black skirt, white ruffled v-neck blouse, patent black heels with bows and her half-moon or half-square glasses hanging from a pearl beaded neck chain across a well filled blouse or half down her nose." You like her and those half-glasses a lot, don't you?"I guess I did not want Mom to know I have a thing for a lady's reading glasses. "Why do you ask that, Mom?" Is it me or do you have a thing for them? Since anyone else would just say her glasses, not getting into the style of them.". So tell me what have you been up to at school?Well I'm glad to hear that. While I have you on the telephone I wanted to ask you how your babysitting is going...uh huh...well how would you like to get some more 'hands on' experience??what?...well yes dear that used to be the case but things have changed and now I DO have a baby in the house."Mommy coldly looks me right in the eye as She says this and I swallow hard as I can tell She is talking about ME. Mommy continues, "Well if its OK with your mom we will be able to give you lots of experience with taking care of a baby?what dear?? Oh yes that will include diaper changes and everything, definitely. What??oh it's a little girl you will be taking care of and you are really going to be a big help?Oh yes dear, you will get lots of experience in dressing her and everything." This is all too much for me to take. I really have to pee, and not even thinking I go to put my hand on my crotch to 'press' as I sometime do when I have to pee real.
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